How I Ended Up Here (Spoiler: Creativity Saved Me)

Written By Pam Dusbabek

In 2024, I finally fully prioritized myself and my creativity and took a trip to Ventura, California for Craftcation: A week long creativity retreat, and my life has been changed forever.

Honestly? I didn’t plan this. I didn’t wake up one day and say “You know what the world needs? Tiny embroidery and beaded plants.” But somehow, through a muddy, creative and mostly chaotic journey, that’s exactly where I landed - and I wouldn’t change a single thing.

All my life I have been drawn to creativity (maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s ADHD?) But creative endevours either had to be earned by first doing “boring stuff” like cleaning or working (boooooo!) or it was only prioritized if it was something that was practical, something that could make me money or j/k, creativity was never prioritzed. (it was a luxury, not a need)

Well, gather ‘round, kids. Gramma has a story tell you.
One day, I looked around and realized that I was giving 110% of my self, my energy, my time and my brain space to EVERYONE ELSE. Managing moods? My job. Managing kids (even though they’re adults now)? My job. Making dinner (for adults in my household)? My job.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT WASN’T MY RESPONSIBILITY? Any of it.

What WAS my responsiblity was; my brain health, my time, my reactions to things happening around me, and I was seriously neglecting myself. Like SERIOUSLY.

So I did what any self-neglected, emtpy nester in her 40’s would do.

I IMPLODED.

I disconnected from everyone around me and threw myself into anything that brought me joy…lucky for me, I get joy from crafts and not things like alcohol or drugs (more on the latter later) *wink-wink

ANYWHO- long story short. I made shit. I painted, I tried new things. I bought a TON OF SHIT. I went to creative spaces. I took creative classes.

To quote Taylor Swift from her song “You’re on you’re own, Kid”:

”I looked around in a blood soaked gown and found something they can’t take away”

I found ME.

Amongst all the beads, glitter, clay, paints, brushes, and scraps of projects, there I was. Little Pam, my inner child, with hands messy with paint and glue; sitting in the middle of my chaos and she is smiling.

Cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned
Everything you lose is a step you take
So make the friendship bracelets, Take the moment and taste it
You’ve got no reason to be afraid.

You’re on your own kid
You always have been.

“You’re On Your Own, Kid” - Taylor Swift

Pam Dusbabek